Non-patriarchal, Feminist, Egalitarian Wedding Ceremonies
Non-patriarchal, Feminist, Egalitarian Wedding Ceremonies
Photo Credit: Evangeline Lane
It’s international women’s day and I’m inspired to share some thoughts about non-patriarchal, feminist, egalitarian wedding ceremonies. It’s abundantly clear from my conversations with couples that a ceremony revolution is in order! That couples want a ceremony culture (and a marriage culture!) that encourages equality and supports sovereignty. Where the dominance and submission game is #canceled. (Okay not the fun, consensual, behind closed doors kinky kind, but the crusty, dusty bible-belty kind.) Please understand, this is NOT about bashing men or negating religion. It is about creating ceremonies and marriages that are co-creative and honor the beautiful dance of two sovereign adults as they ride off into the Mystery.
One of the reasons that so many couples relegate their ceremony to the bottom of their wedding planning to do list, and drag their feet until they are forced into a corner is because they dread the “honor and obey” transfer of property jargon. It feels so outdated and makes them cringe. Nowadays (at least in my experience) with hetero-normative couples, it is often the groom who initiates this conversation.
Please, no, none of THAT, promise us…
Personally I don't understand how patriarchy exits, specifically the misogynistic, women bashing kind. Especially since every single male-bodied human on this planet came out of a woman’s body. How can you control and own and demean SHE who gave you life?!?
In the ceremonies I create you will never hear anything remotely resembling: who gives this human away to this other human as property based on their sexual anatomy. You will be supported in leaving out any type of honor and obey wedding-vow-verbiage, and you can kiss when it’s all said and done, if, and only if, you both want to.
So... what to do instead?
Well, I have many tricks up my sleeve… elegant and tactful ways to leave out or re-langauge things so that they feel modern and non patriarchal, but not necessarily jarring and in your face. I share heaps of vow samples that have no trace of honoring and obeying… and ways to invite a couple to kiss without overriding personal sovereignty or implying ownership. Easy, simple little tweaks make a world of difference. They are emotionally corrective and bring some balance back after too many generations of patriarchal and gender role distortion.