Cere-Money

Couples often email me to express that their ceremony is the most meaningful and important part of their wedding day. Yet many couples hesitate to invest as fully in their officiant as they do in other wedding expenses, like the venue, flowers, or photographer. This hesitation is at odds with their own stated priorities. I mean… if the ceremony is truly the most important part of their wedding day, shouldn’t the person creating and delivering it be given equal investment? When couples choose to align their spending with their values, they find that a skilled officiant is invaluable, delivering a ceremony that feels like a work of art.

“Thank you again for the amazing gift to us of that beautiful ceremony. It was art in action, and it was beyond meaningful.” —Erica, bride

It’s been hard for me to understand why couples go out of their way to emphasize their ceremony as their top priority, but don’t budget accordingly. There’s an incongruence between their stated priority, and the money they are willing to spend actualizing it. I take my work seriously, and with a decade of full time officiating and over 300 ceremonies under my belt, I know how much time, energy and care goes into creating truly magical and memorable ceremony — one that doesn’t rely on a gimmicky, generic, formulaic, plug and play script, or a lackluster delivery.

I have many wedding photographer colleagues who charge thousands of dollars for their wedding packages. I have asked them how many hours they spend on each wedding (taking photos on the day of, and editing them behind the scenes in the weeks following) and when all is said and done, I am putting in the same amount of time as they are - meeting with couples, reading through multi-page questionnaires, editing vows, writing an original ceremony, performing the ceremony, etc. It’s been painful over this last decade to see the discrepancy between how other wedding vendors are compensated for their creativity, time and hard work, while officiants are low-balled or just not accounted for in the wedding budget.

I have written several other blogs about how much value a seasoned officiant adds to your wedding day. This blog isn’t so much about trying to explain why couples should invest in a super skilled officiant, it’s more about the financial investment itself. I believe there needs to be a reckoning within the wedding industry, and within the hearts and minds of couples who insist that their ceremony really matters to them, until it comes to actually paying for it. I charge a lot for the ceremonies I lead, but only if you measure my fee against the going rate for your very average wedding officiant. I stand behind my pricing because I know the level of care, experience, and artistry I bring to each ceremony, and so do the couples I have worked with over the last ten years.

“Naomi is not cheap and weddings are expensive. It can be hard on the budget to go from planning to have a friend officiate your wedding or from hiring somebody who will read their usual “wedding ceremony” document on your day to hiring a true ceremony professional. Choosing Naomi meant that we cut some other things out of our wedding budget and DIY’d some of what we were originally planning on hiring for. Having made those choices, I would, without a doubt, hire her again. Naomi is redefining what an officiant can and should be and she is worth every penny that she charges. Whether you make your budget bigger to accommodate her or cut costs elsewhere to prioritize your ceremony, you will not regret it. I am so glad we made the choices that we did and I would unequivocally recommend the same choice to anybody who wants a meaningful ceremony.” —Simone, bride

If I charged $500 per ceremony (which many fill-in-the-blank-template officiants do), and officiated two weddings *every weekend* of the year, I would earn $52,000 annually *before expenses and taxes.* The quality of my work would become sub par and I would burn out fast. I would rather offer a high end service, for a fee that is comparable with what other creative, entrepreneurial wedding vendors earn, create a real sense of occasion for couples and their communities, and give them an experience of ceremony that doesn’t rely on short cuts or cheesy hallmark sentimentality.

I don’t mean to sound preachy or whiny or “scoldy,” and I’m not trying to twist any arms. I don’t believe anyone can be forced to financially invest in something that doesn’t hold real financial value to them. I also have to acknowledge that there is some frustration I feel after a decade in this profession trying to communicate value about the most meaningful aspect of the whole wedding day. 

A friend of mine recently said, “A true ceremonialist is akin to a medicine person. We don’t have a context for that in our culture unfortunately.” And I think that is why it can be so hard to write about this topic—because it speaks to this lack of context. I’ve dedicated myself to this art form wholeheartedly because I really do believe in the power of ceremony to transform and renew us, and that deep down we all want more substance and less superficiality… But when it comes to how couples allocate their wedding budget there is a disconnect between the longing for a truly special ceremony, and the way officiants are compensated for their time and effort to create and deliver it. I hope to see this change, and for professional officiants to get the respect, recognition and rate they deserve.

“Two years later, if we had to do our wedding all over again and had little money or had to choose between fancy food or venue you are the one thing I would choose every time! Your ceremony was just that - a real ceremony that was so deep and put this great love and intention into the world. I’m forever grateful and feel the impact on our everyday lives. We love you Naomi! You are so special to us!” —Angelina, bride